In the grand master scheme of things, I don’t believe that enemies exist. At a core level. We are all made of the same stuff, right? The same star stuff and blood and bone and breath.
Have you ever been around someone who sees you in a false/negative way, and you can feel it? It’s as if their beliefs reach your senses. Speaking for myself, someone projecting untrue and warped ideas of who they think me to be, can really throw me off and hurt me. It’s quite dangerous. I have felt some of the following things after someone has accused or labeled me of something that wasn’t factual: scared, terrorized, angry, panicked, confused, whole body shaking, out of control, lack of orientation, loss of self esteem and confidence, losing actual vision, etc.
I imagine it is similar to a degree with people who experience racism and other forms of prejudice. I myself have experienced racism; the last major experience I had I almost passed out on the street during a walk. A car full of people slowed down, and they loudly yelled at me to go back to what they perceived to be my country of origin.
BEYOND THE SKIN
This is something to remember if you see people of different marginalized groups acting in ways that don’t make sense. How I prayed someone would see the real me when I had been hurt so bad and pieces of the turbulence inside started leaking out, despite my rational mind seeing what was happening. We need to understand how to read the levels of neglect and mistreatment, and how it can make some people act. There are so many people though. It can be overwhelming, when we have our own lives. Still though, it’s something to keep in mind. We can’t compare how well we’ve done under similar awful circumstances, and write off someone else’s failures as incompetency. We have to be grateful for all the things that contributed to our successes, and know that for some people those factors just never presented themselves. We don’t know until we’ve walked in another’s experience. Judgement and criticism of others is shortsighted because it assumes that you know everything they have had to experience to be brought to where they are.
THE ENEMY
In living and life, it’s true, I believe, that ultimately love is our highest goal and achievement. It has to be, and I’m not the only one who thinks this. So, if love is our highest attainment in life, the ultimate so-called enemy is everything standing in the way of it.
If I can act so confused, scared, angry, and out of control when someone has mistreated and projected a falsity of who I am, I have to wonder how mislabeled the “Enemy” must have been their whole lives — how immersed in an alienating and hostile culture they must have been raised in, when somewhere inside they know they are more that they just can’t quite understand or reach yet.
I have this idea that if I can act unlike myself when someone hurts me with false negative thoughts and words, maybe the opposite can be true too. That if I project positive thoughts about someone and see them with positive characteristics, then it could create them to become it. Why shouldn’t it work both ways?
I suggest for consideration a healthy dose of ingenuity and practice in distinguishing the subtle good in those who we may consider our enemy for whatever reason. I’m not saying to get close or become best friends with your “enemy” or idealize them! Practice common sense! But, from a distance: see the humanity in them, see the inner child in need. If there are solutions you guess could be implemented for them that might assist in their healing, get involved with the advocacy of that solution on a bigger scale — not necessarily for them specifically depending on the situation. But find a way to advocate the solution for humanity. This can really change everything and be healing for you as well.
Practice, too, actively discovering and acknowledging the positive in yourself. It is much easier to uncover the hidden good in others if you inherently know it of yourself. Distinguish and reframe some negative traits some may have placed on you at some point into positive ones, with a curiosity and willingness to honestly assess if there is a better route to take next time.
Together we can make the world a more peaceful place.
“Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into a friend.” -Martin Luther King Jr.
“Relationships are based on four principles: respect, understanding, acceptance, and appreciation.”
-Mahatma Gandhi
“The true measure of any society can be found in how it treats its most vulnerable members.” -Mahatma Gandhi
Thank you for these positive insights, Katrina. For me your eloquent advice finds use with friends and general social acquaintances, not just enemies. Overactive imaginings of what others may think or feel has taken a toll on relationships. Best to clear the mind and communicate directly, with prayers for heightened camaraderie.
That’s a really good point, Watt. I couldn’t at first see the connection, but I’m starting to understand. I get the feeling of it. I think anytime we can stop worrying or otherwise thinking we know how another person is feeling or thinking in regards to us or anything else really, the better off we’ll all be. The more we worry or assume, even if we are “good” people, the more those patterns are reinforced in our brains, and then eventually we can become the enemy ourselves if we’re not careful. If not to others, then definitely to ourselves. — “F.alse E.vidence A.ppearing R.eal.” We’re all guilty of it from time to time, or more than that, especially if we have been conditioned to expect negative attitudes due to it being present in certain times in our lives. It’s amazing the diversity and breadth of what a human being can feel and think though. All we can do is hope for the best, and trust that if we ask sincerely with an open heart, we will be delivered what we have been hoping to know, for better or for worse, and we can start to become freer. No need to drive oneself mad ruminating the unknown.